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Buglology
Buglology (from the Greek ανανάς - pineapple) is the study of the Bugle, its many supernatural powers, and investigation into ways in which these powers can be utilized for the common good of all mankind. Initially, Buglology was regarded as a pseudoscience by the majority of the academic and medical profession. However, increasingly, many are coming around to the idea that the soothing sounds of the Bugle can have genuine therapeutic effect. History Buglology first came to the world's attention when a Mrs Graham McFarlingleigh Thricebuttock of Swindon, Zanzibar announced that listening to episode 17 of the Bugle cured her rheumatism and turned her bunions into a fine purple-coloured dust. Soon, back-street Buglologists were claiming to be able to cure all manner of entirely fictitious diseases using excepts from the Bugle. The Hotties From History section, in particular, was noted for its supposed aphrodisiac qualities. Reaction from the medical community At first, the medical community outrightly rejected the claims of Buglologists. However, a growing minority now recognises that the Bugle may have medical uses, and can be used to cure Scrapulatic Fever, Oxomorendionisis, and Gibraltar. Buglology treatments are now avaliable on the NHS. Recent studies have confirmed that Andy Zaltzman's voice and that of the American have medicinal qualities, while John Oliver's causes superhuman strength and stamina. Investigations into the medical properties of the aforementioned individuals' voices while nude, have unearthed unimaginable results. Said John Oliver on the subject, "Being naked really editorializes your junk" (issue 44), prompting a team of experts in Cryptobotany, Otterology, and Quackery from the University of Jizzakh, Uzbekistan, to launch an immediete study. Non-medical Properties * The Bugle Forecast section has proven to be 100% correct time and time again. Though some predictions (such as sporting event results) may have been seen as 'incorrect', the explanations for these fallacies range from intervention on the part of undercover agents, mass cover-ups, and temporal space-time modification. All of the aforementioned are perpetrated by impalas. * Tibetan priests are claiming that the high priest at one of their monasteries found a cipher hidden within the Bugle's sound patterns that can only be decoded by correctly solving the Audio Cryptic Crossword. The priest, acting upon the cipher's message, attained Nirvana. This is unconfirmed, and may just be that the priest accidentally found the Bugle on iTunes while searching for a Nirvana album. Controversy While it is well known that Usain Bolt was listening to the Bugle before running his races, the above-mentioned fact that John Oliver's voice contributes to superhuman ability has some officials in an uproar saying that Bolt used Oliver's voice to give him an extra boost. Bolt's representatives are saying that unless you are listening to John's voice at that exact moment, there is no effect. John has forcefully thrown his hat into the ring in this argument by making the searing point that he "wants a Big Mac with no pickles, large fries, a salad, a medium drink, and a small chocolate milkshake," only to find that Olympic officials were not, in fact, the counter workers at McDonald's. Michael Phelps is not under suspicion. He's that good. For more notable Buglers see the Bugle page. Immortality claims A group calling itself the Consecrated Seers of Buglology has claimed that listening to episodes 1-42 of the Bugle simultaneously induces immortality. An investigation into the group revealed it to have only one member: Frederick Dowd (26), of Hertford, Antarctica. Despite official scepticism, bungee jumpers, parachutists and construction workers building very high bridges have increasingly taken to listening to the episodes simultaneously "just in case". Also, I listen to a lot of Bugles, and I haven't died yet. Therefore Bugle listening = immortality. Problem solved. Fuck you Chris Category:Concepts